As Life Moves On

There is one inevitable fact of life, life moves forward, even when you do not want it to.  Things around you change, people get older, kids grow up, life gets more expensive,,,.

As I look back on my life, I ask myself what happened?  What happened to the young man that used to go camping all the time, would spend hours in the woods, and just seemed to know how to have fun?  Where did that person go?

Weldbilt boat on the Angelina River

These days, and for the past few years, I have almost no desire to do much of anything.  At the camp there is a tree that blew down.  10 years ago that tree would have already been cut up, split, and put in the shed for firewood.  But today, that tree has been in the same place for several months.

Maybe its getting older, but I am only 43 years old, I should not be feeling like this.  Where has my love of live, and my energy gone?

I suspect that a lot of it has to do with the divorce from my first wife in 2000, 2001, and 2002.  Every time I turned around, it seemed like we were going back to court for “something”.  Maybe I never got over the depression caused by the divorce, but that is just the way things go. When you are in a bad relationship, sometimes its better to walk away, then to stay and hate your life even more.

I need to make myself a promise, that over the next few months I will work on my depression, and try to get my energy back.  Maybe I will spend some extra time in the woods this hunting season?  I might even go camping for a weekend on the deer lease, and go hunting everyday.

As the weather cools off my son and I are supposed to go camping on the Angelina River.  I think it would be nice to spend a couple of nights next to the river, in the cool air, doing some fishing.

It does a soul good to “get away” for a little while.  To rejoice in the peace and quit is a good thing.

In October my wife and I are supposed to go camping at a local park.  Hopefully the weather will cool off a little bit, maybe enough where we can get some fishing done and maybe run some trotlines.  My dad told me that October is a good month for catfish, so I need to try to catch something to see if that is true.

Back in the summer of 1985, some of my buddies from high school and I went on a 3 day camping trip.  26 years later I still think that trip was one of the best times of my life.  Even though we got rained on everyday, and we were almost starving when we got home, I still had a great time.

As I look back on times like that 3 day camping trip, I wonder what happened to the kid I once was?  What happened to the person that liked adventure?  What happened to the person that liked to wonder off and explore?  Is he still here, did he go away forever, or did a part of myself die as I grew up?

Video about a 3 day camping trip a buddy of mine and I went on back in December of 2010.

I think the part of myself that I miss is still there, he just does not have the time like what he used to have. When I was in high school I worked a part time job at Market Basket in Bridge City. I went to school and worked about 32 hours a week.

Then there were my friends that were always eager to go do “something”. Whether that something was camping, riding in the boat, hunting,,,, I people around me that enjoyed doing the same things I did.

These days, my oldtime friends and I live at least 75 miles apart. Its a little difficult to make plans with people that live so far apart.

Then there are the responsibilities that I have now that I did not have when I was younger, like the birthday parities for all of the grandkids. Between holidays and birthday parties, there is not a “whole” lot of free weekends.

Maybe I look back on my life, and think about how happy I seemed to be 10 – 20 years ago. Life seemed easier. I went to work, went camping with my buddies, my family and I would go to the deer camp and play in the creek,,, life was good. Now my kids are growing up and I feel less important to them.