Growing dusty

Angelina river Jasper TexasMy life has grown dusty.  As I look around my office at work, and my desk at home I can see dust building up here and there.  The dust is a subtle reminder that life goes on, even when we do nothing or very little.

As I look back on my life, I used to keep my Bug Out Bag ready to go, my gear was organized, everything pretty much had its place.

But today, things are strode here and there.  Last weekend it took me close to an hour to find a topo map that I was looking for.  The thing is, the map should have been with all of the other maps, but it wasn’t.

The last time I looked at my AK-47, it had some rust built up around the butt stock.  Some of my other firearms need to be cleaned.  There is no excuse for not cleaning firearms, except for laziness.

The question is, how did I get to this point?

Back in 2000 my ex-wife (wife at the time) and I split up and divorced.  The next 3 years were emotionally draining.  Today, a couple of my kids are mad at me for decisions I had to make as an adult and father.  Maybe when my kids get older, and have families of their own they might understand why I made the decisions that I did.

Time for a totally unrelated video about SHTF Garden Seed Stockpile.

So what has happened in the past 10 years to get me to this point? I dont think its a single answer, or even a couple of answers, I think it was a combination of things.

Moving away from friends
Moving away from family
Not seeing friends and family on a regular basis
Not having enough “me” time

Back in the mid-late 1990s my buddies and I would pack up our gear and head out to the bayous and marshes around Bridge City and Orangefield Texas. It was peaceful being out on the boat, in nature, miles from any kind of civilization.

Today, I am lucky if I go camping a few times a year, or get out on the boat 1 time a month. Back in the summer of 2010 my son and I went camping on the Angelina River a few times. It was nice and peaceful, watching the sun go down on the river, fishing, listening to the birds, listening to the sound of the wind as it passed through the tops of the trees.

To recover what I lost over the years, I need to look inside myself more, and look outward less.

Back in the last part of November 2010 and into December a buddy of mine and I went on a 3 day camping trip on the Angelina river.  We had a good time, did some exploring around the slews, did some fishing, and had a good time.

The weather on the November – December camping trip was cool during the day, and a little cold at night. It reminded me of some of the camping trips I had gone on as a kid.

Maybe part of collecting dust has been a fact of getting older. As we get older, maybe we lose touch with the things that were important to us when we were younger. The things that are “really” important take the center stage – such as family and relationships with others.

Maybe things are less important then they were 10 – 15 years ago. Back in the mid – late 1990s there were rumors that the UN was going to invade the USA and enforce martial law. Since those rumors never came true, maybe its time to relax a little bit.

As a survivalist, its impossible to maintain a state of readiness 100% of the time.  Maybe I am getting a little tired of maintaining a state of readiness?  I dont know what the answer is.

What needs to be done, is to take better care of my gear, organize my survival gear better, and continue to develop relationships with my friends and family members.  The hardest part is getting over depression.  Depression that my kids are growing up, that they need me less, that I am less important to them, and that the years have passed by.