Over the years I have seen lots of new parents that do not hold their children a lot, or comfort them when their crying – because the parents do not want to “spoil” the child. When I try to explain that lack of physical contact leads to social and behavioral problems later in life, it appears that my words fall on deaf ears.
Humans are social animals, we herd together to feel safe and to feel loved. Its just part of nature. But for some reason certain parents feel that holding their child, does more harm then good.
Lets put this issue to rest right now:
From Time magazine – No such thing as too much love. A good article that talks about the more love and affection you show a child, the better adults they grow up to be.
From The Huffington Post – Can A Mother’s Affection Prevent Anxiety In Adulthood. Talks about the long lasting affects of showing your kids lots of affection. In short, the more affection you show a child, the less likely they are to grow up to be emotionally distressed, anxious or hostile adults.
From The Examiner –Affection is a very important to a child’s mental development. Neglect has a way of wiring the child brain in a bad way. This has been shown through children that spend a lot of time in foster homes and do not receive affection on a regular basis. Not to say that children in foster homes are neglected, but some of them may not receive the 1-on-1 time they should.
So when your child is crying and wants to be held, think about what kind of adult you want them to grow up to be.
A loving and caring adult.
A hostile, violent and confused adult.
So what if you “spoil” the child to being held. You might be doing them some good later in life.
Maybe the holding issue is why breastfed children seem to bond better with their parents then artificially fed children? With artificially fed children, anyone can feed them. So instead of looking at only the mother while feeding, and associating the mother with being safe, warm, and being fed, the child is passed person to person, and as a result their confused as to “who” the real caregiver is. As a result the child does not bond with any one certain person, but as a result they “try” to bond with groups of people. I don’t know if that is fact or not, its just my opinion on the matter.
From my own personal experience as a parent, if the baby is crying, something is wrong. Either their scared, cold, hot, dirty diaper, thirsty, hungry,,,, something is wrong. If everything is ok, they would not be crying.