Happiness, what is it, where does it come from and where can it be found. I turn 49 years old in 2017. As I look back there have been various times when I was happy. I can look back at the 1990s and think of times when I was happy, and a lot of times […]
Tag: growing old
I am 48 years old, getting close to turning 49. Life has not gone anywhere near like what I wanted. A large part of that is my own fault. When I graduated high school I went into the work force rather than joining the military or going to college. The older I get the more […]
Time for some random thoughts on life from a bored survivalist. Lets start with happiness. What is happiness? Happiness is defined as a “mental or emotional state of well-being.” Whos responsibility is it for you to be happy? Is it your spouses responsibility for you to be happy? Is it your employers responsibility for you […]
I feel like I am starting a new phase in life. Here I am at 46 years old (almost 47), finished paying my child support almost a year ago and starting a new career. Is this how life is supposed to work?
When I finished high school in 1986 my fiance’s grandfather helped me get a job at a welding shop in southeast Texas. The pay was pretty bad, but at least I was learning something. From 1986 – 1999 I bounced around various welding shops hoping the pay and benefits would get better, but they never did.
1995 I went to Lamar College in Port Arthur for a degree in computer information systems. Working a full time job, being a parent, being a husband and going to college takes dedication.
1999 – 2000 my life fell apart. I lost my job due to the company making poor decisions. It sure is funny how the CEO make make terrible decisions and everyone else has to pay the price. Then in 2000 my wife of 14 years filed for divorce. In all honesty I was tired of her screaming, fit-throwing and refusing to control her spending. In the long run divorcing her was probably the best thing that happened to me. But it would take years to make progress in my life.
At 46 years old I consider myself a little past middle age. That is unless I live to be at least 92 years old. So who knows, I might not even be at middle age yet.
Even at such a young age I look back and realize how much water has gone under the bridge. I wonder how I will feel when I am in my 60s or even 70s, that is if I live that long.
I often wonder how my mom and dad feel about how much things have changed in their lifetime? My dad did not get electricity and running water until he was somewhere around 6 years old. What is it like going from kerosene lamps and an outhouse to computers and the internet?
The past 19 years, from 1995 – 2014, humanity has made leaps and bounds with technology. We went from dial-up internet to smart phones in less than a generation. I look forward to what scientist will develop in the next 20 years.
I took a long look in the mirror and did not like what I saw. What bothers me the most is how I have let myself go physically. Being overweight was never in my life plan. I never thought I would be out of shape and sitting at a desk job.
The sedentary lifestyle is one of the main reasons why I am looking for a new job. I am tired of sitting here.
In a way I am disgusted with myself. I put on so much weight and I feel like a pig.
Another reason I put on so much weight is I have a couple of beers before bedtime. The empty calories goes to the waistline.
Drinking was never in my life plan. I never drank when I was a teenager. I did not even drink in my early-20s. I did not start drinking until I was in my mid-20s. Why did I start drinking? I honestly do not know. What I do know is I regret the decision to start.
Over the past few days I have been thinking about a lot of stuff. A lot of small stuff, to small to make their own post about. So I thought I would combine a lot of small topics into a random thoughts post.
I promised a buddy of mine that I would tone the political stuff down. Rather than posting political topics here, I will keep them on PBJ News. So here goes.
Video Gaming -I guess it is a matter of me getting older, but fewer and fewer games have that “wow” factor. Back in the 1980s and 1990s some of my buddies and I could play Atari and Super Nintendo for hours at a time.
Now, its takes a lot of keep me interested in a game. Borderlands 2 got boring within 2 hours and Skyrim lost it after maybe 2 – 3 hours. The only game that has been able to keep my interest over the past 3 years had been Left 4 Dead 1 & 2. Since Diablo III has the always on internet requirement I did not even bother buying it.
Saturday, March 2, 2013 I said goodbye to an old friend. C.D. Broussard lived life as it was supposed to be lived. He never had a harsh word to say about anyone, not once did I see him get angry. When C.D was at your house you were never bored, as C.D. could carry on a conversation with anyone. Whether it was computers, comic books, video games,,, C.D. knew something about it.
In December 2011 C.D. Broussard was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
He lived the good life,
He fought the good fight,
and now he rest as he has never rested before.
C.D. Broussard lost his struggle with cancer in February 2013.
Got a phone call from a buddy of mine informing me a mutual friend had passed away.
December 2011 C.D. was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He had been feeling ill for a long time, maybe 6 months or more. But as most men do, C.D. put off going to the doctor.
He fought the good fight,
He lived life as it should be lived,
Today is my birthday, I turned 45 years old. Depending on how you look at it, turning 45 is either not too bad, or it sucks.
Retirement – One thing that bothers me is I am nowhere near being ready for retirement. I partially blame myself, but I also blame every 401k management firm I have used. Since 1994 just about every 401k management firm has lost money, except for the one I am using now. How am I supposed to save for retirement when the people managing my 401k lose 20% of my money every year?
Something I worry about is if social security is going to be around when I retire? I know people who have never worked a day in their life and they are drawing social security disability. I work and pay into the system for some lazy bum to draw benefits?
Working Hard – When I was growing up, kids were told to “grow up, get a job and work hard.” Because we “worked hard” our efforts would be recognized and we would be rewarded. I know now that is a lie. Working hard is a wage slave mentality. No company is going to reward your efforts unless they have to.
For example, for you PC gamers that like to read about gaming history, or like to think about the “good ole days”, what would the internet be without sites like Doomworld.com or planetromero.com.
Quakeworld was wiped clean several years ago. All that remains is a “QuakeWorld.com.. stay tuned” message. Back in the late 1990s Quakeworld.com was one of the more popular pages on the net.
Back in the 1990s fans sites opened right and left. The main free hosting provider back in those days was GeoCities. But GeoCities closed a few years ago. All of those fan sites gone in a split second as the servers were unplugged.
Dealing with the ex-wife again, this time its over a gun she claimed came up missing during the divorce.
What really happened, some people lack a single decent level of respect for other people.
Its simply amazing how someone can warp reality to believe what they want.
This world would be a better place if people would respect others. Is a little respect too much to ask? For some people, yea, asking for respect is a little too much to ask for.
The question I ask, why do people have to act that way? Is it a mental disease, too much lead in the water, genetics, mom do too many drugs while she was pregnant,,,, or something else?
What causes certain people to have a lack (or no) empathy for those around them?
Maybe its a survival thing left over from our primal existence? To survive the ice ages, maybe some people stole from others, instead of working as a team for the betterment of the community.
Does selfishness reach no end?
During the housing collapse of 2008 I think we say a good example of selfishness and a lack of empathy. To the money lenders, people were a loan number and nothing more.
Some people take their actions past empathy, and into a field of hatred.
What makes someone so angry that they lash out at everyone around them? There is no talking, there is nothing but screaming and pure rage.
How can someone live in a constant state of rage?
Most people get mad, then calm down a little while later. But there are some people who never seem to clam down, its as if their life is ruled by rage and screaming fits. How can people live like that?
As I was reading through an article on Toms Hardware about the greatest video cards of all time, I caught myself looking at the dates on the video cards, and then comparing those dates to things that were happening in my life.
Between 1996 – late 1999 were a great time in my life. My third son had been born in 1994, my daughter had been born in 1996, I had a steady job with good benefits, a little overtime here and there.
Then there were the video games such as Diablo, Quake, Red Alert, and the camping trips into Orangefield Texas in the mid 1990s.
The early Quakecons were a blast. Driving to Dallas, staying with my buddy “Acid Breath” and his wife for the weekend, those were good times.
Around August 1999 all of that fell apart when I was laid off from Allied Fabrication in Rose City. The company had recently lost a lot of money, I had missed time due to my drinking. When it came time to reduce cost, I and a couple of other people were let go.
In all honesty, I loved working at Allied Fabrication. They were a great group of people that I really liked working for.
Regardless of how much I liked the job, all good things must come to an end.
Middle age sucks. I can look back over my teenage years, my 20, 30s and now I am halfway through my 40s. In January of 2013 I will turn 45 years old.
Besides going into welding, my other major regret is when I started drinking.
Unlike a lot of people I did not drink in my teenage years. I tried a beer when I was around 15 or 16 years old, and the taste was disagreeable.
When I was around 23 years old I went by a corner store in Bridge City Texas, picked up a couple of bottles of Boone’s Farm wine, then went home to have a drink.
Why did I buy a bottle of Boone’s Farm wine? I do not know. Maybe I was bored and looking for something to do?
What I do know, drinking is one of the worst mistakes I have ever made. Drinking has had a negative affect on my health, its not cheap, and its addictive.
At this point in my life I am probably somewhere about 30 – 40 pounds overweight. Lets say I drink 3 or 4 beers, at 100 – 150 calories each, you are talking an easy 300 – 500 extra calories a day. Then when you start adding mixed drinks, the calories really pile on.
When I started drinking around the time I was 23 years old, that is the same time I started having issues with my weight. I put on weight easier then I did before I started drinking.
I wonder how much money I have spent on beer, wine and whiskey over the past 22 – 23 years. I wish I would have never spent a single penny on booze. That money would have been better spent on my kids, or a vacation for the family.
There are so much better things to spend money on besides alcohol. For the price of a 12 pack, I could buy 2 boxes of American Eagle 223 Remington, or 2 boxes of Tula 7.62×39, and have some change left over.
Every time I buy something to drink, I am taking money away from my family and from my prepping resources. And I am ashamed because of that.
Why don’t I just stop drinking? Because I like it too much.
Lets be honest, I have a problem with drinking. I can go a month without having a drink, but when I do drink, I drink until the last drop is gone.
Admitting that there is the problem is the first step to recovery.
This post is my first step to being alcohol free.
Time for another random thoughts post.
The Amazing Spider-man
Bought The Amazing Spider-man for the grandkids to watch. The grandkids are between the ages of 3 and 5 and were not interested in Spider-man. But they can watch The Avengers all day long.
Why did Sony have to go back to Spider-man having an artificial web?
I thought The Amazing Spider-man was a rather bland. I like how they got away from the Green Goblin and introduced The Lizard. The original Spider-man movies seem to stuck on the Green Goblin.
A few days ago I was thinking about how much money I was making in the welding shops. In 1987 the top pay of the welding shop I was working at was $11.13 an hour. Minimum wage was $3.35 an hour.
11.13 divided by 3.35 = 3.3223.
In other words, top pay in the welding shop was 3.3223 times minimum wage in 1987.
In 2004 I checked back at that same welding shop, top pay was only around $14 an hour, which was less then 3X minimum wage at the time of $5.15. In other words, wages have not kept up with inflation or minimum wage.
In 1990 I made around $35,000 with overtime. I thought that was pretty good for 22 years old. Minimum wage in 1990 was $3.80 an hour. Other words, I made 9,210 times minimum wage in a single year. But then again, I worked a lot of overtime to reach that $35,000 dollar mark.
To keep up with the standard of living I had in 1990, I would have to be making $66,772 a year. Take my word for it, I make a lot less then $66,772 a year.
How much money are you making today as compared to minimum wage? Have your wages kept up with inflation and minimum wage?
For those of you over 40 years old, how much where you making 20 years ago as compared to today?