I took a long look in the mirror and did not like what I saw. What bothers me the most is how I have let myself go physically. Being overweight was never in my life plan. I never thought I would be out of shape and sitting at a desk job.
The sedentary lifestyle is one of the main reasons why I am looking for a new job. I am tired of sitting here.
In a way I am disgusted with myself. I put on so much weight and I feel like a pig.
Another reason I put on so much weight is I have a couple of beers before bedtime. The empty calories goes to the waistline.
Drinking was never in my life plan. I never drank when I was a teenager. I did not even drink in my early-20s. I did not start drinking until I was in my mid-20s. Why did I start drinking? I honestly do not know. What I do know is I regret the decision to start.
Drinking and weight gain was never in my life plans. When I was in my teenage years I wanted to live a clean lifestyle. My goal was to be smoking, tobacco, drinking and drug free. The only thing I stumbled on was the drinking. For about 2 weeks in high school I dipped, but I stopped when I realized I was getting addicted. I never smoked, not even once.
What I must do
I have to stop drinking and I have to lose weight. There is no ifs ands or buts, I have to get my life back on track.
Nobody can do this for me. This is a decision I have make for myself and do for myself.
Why do we look back and times were better in the past?
When I was working at Ohmstede in Sulphur, LA, I felt that I was happy. Even though I was working 60, 70 and 80 hour weeks and my wife at the time was blowing my paycheck, which I did not know until later, I thought I was happy.
When I was working at Creole Steel in Sulphur, LA, I thought I was happy. Working 4 ten hour days and a 3 day weekend was pretty nice. MIG welding structural steel in a designated work area, it does not get much better than that. My 4th child and my daughter was born while I was working at Creole Steel. Then the work slowed down and the lay off started. I knew it was time to find another job.
I landed a job at Allied Fabrication in Rose City Texas. They were a small family owned business and great to work for. I worked at Allied from 1996 – 1999. I can honestly say those 3 years were some of the happiest of my life. I got to spend some great time with my kids, games such as Quake, Diablo and Halflife were released and the online revolution kicked off with Windows 95 and dial up internet access.
The late 1990s was just a great time. My buddies and I would go camping off Cow Bayou in Orangefield, a couple of times we went up to the Jasper Texas area and went camping. My kids were growing up. I can honestly say I miss the late 1990s.
But alas, all good things must come to an end. In 1999 I was laid off from Allied. The company had lost a ton of money on a new heat exchanger bundle extractor called the ROPE. As a result several people lost their jobs and one of their shops was closed. A few years later the company went under. I really liked working at Allied. They were just an awesome group of people to work for.
In 2000 my first wife and I separated and divorced. It was like from mid-1999 to 2005 things went downhill. When I thought things could not get any worse, bam, something else would happen. I was as if bad luck and life and teamed up and were taking turns putting me in a strangle hold.
In February 2005 I landed my current job.
In May 2014 my daughter turned 18 years old and my child support came to an end. I can not describe the relief it is like getting out from under that child support. There is a constant fear that if I lost my job I would go to jail. Some people say the United States is not a debtors prison, but I beg to differ. Everyday all across the nation men are thrown in jail for child support debt.
In August 2014 my wife and I moved to the farm. Having projects to work on, new chicken house, chickens, building fence, clearing land is helping me get out of this depression I have been fighting for close to 15 years. It feels like my life is restarting with a clean slate.
The past decade and a half have pretty much been a nightmare. I do not know where I would be today if it had not been for my friends and family members. Through the thick and thin, good and bad, I have a lot of good people on my side. That is what friends and family are for. We are there for each other when we need a helping hand.
I feel that one phase of my life is coming to an end. The next phase will be a new job, career change, hopefully more money coming in, get some land fenced in for cattle, sheep and goats, finish the chicken yard, get a solar system installed on the chicken house.
One of the keys to happiness is staying busy.
There is an old saying that idle hands are the devils workshop. Just as we need to keep our hands busy, so must we keep our minds busy. An idle mind leads to regret and depression. I start thinking about how I would have done things differently. No matter how much we think and dwell on the past, there is no going back. The past is done, nothing will ever change those events.
As we look back we can not see what is ahead of us. Looking back only leads to regret and depression. I have had enough regret and depression over the past 15 years to last a lifetime.
The time has come to stop looking back and to move forward.
Maybe I can stop drinking, lose some weight and then look in the mirror again. Hopefully I will find a happier person looking back.